This is one of the first questions people ask when they begin thinking about recording their own eulogy. And it makes sense. There’s often an assumption that something like this needs to follow a certain tone. That it should sound formal, or carefully composed, or even a little distant.
But the truth is, there isn’t a right tone. There’s only your tone.
Most people naturally land somewhere in the middle — not overly serious, not overly light, but something that feels like how they’ve always spoken. A mix of reflection, warmth, and the occasional smile. And that tends to feel right, not because it follows a rule, but because it feels familiar to the people who will one day watch it.
If you think about how you’d want to be remembered in conversation, that’s often a good place to start. Not in a grand or polished way, but in the way people actually experienced you.
There may be moments where you want to speak more thoughtfully. Perhaps when you’re sharing what mattered to you, or acknowledging people who shaped your life. Those parts often carry a natural sense of weight, without needing to force it.
And then there are the lighter moments.
A small story.
Something that still makes you smile.
A detail that only the people close to you would recognise.
Those moments matter just as much. They bring ease into something that could otherwise feel heavy. More importantly, they help people feel like they’re with you again, not just listening about you.
What often reassures people is knowing this doesn’t have to be perfectly balanced on the first try. The recording can be done again if it doesn’t feel quite right. That takes the pressure off needing to get the tone “correct.”
It’s also worth remembering that this isn’t a performance. You’re not writing something to be read by someone else. You’re simply speaking, in your own voice, about your own life.
And that changes the tone naturally.
Some people find that once they start talking, the question of “serious or light” fades away. What comes through instead is something more honest. A mix of thoughts, feelings, and memories that don’t fit neatly into one category — and don’t need to.
There’s also a quiet kind of comfort in knowing that the people watching this later won’t be analysing the tone. They’ll be listening for you. The way you speak. The pauses. The small things that make it feel real.
So if you’re unsure where to begin, you don’t need to decide upfront.
Start by imagining you’re speaking to someone you know well.
Not a room.
Not an audience.
Just one person.
From there, the tone usually takes care of itself.
And more often than not, what emerges is exactly what it needs to be — something that feels like you.
